Worst Nightmare
by anngraham
Summary: Dr. Arcane's worst nightmare has come through, and even his genius might not be able to handle it.


**Disclaimer: **None of these characters belong to me and I am not making any money off of this. They all belong to the makers and producers of Swamp Thing. Barney belongs to whoever created him.

**Worst Nightmare**

"What the bloody hell is going on!" Arcane frowned, getting up off the floor, where he had suddenly just appeared. He looked around in shock at the strange room he found himself in. The walls were painted a bright sunshine yellow, adorned with pathetic finger-painted pictures of happy families. Toys were lined up on shelves, fuzzy teddy bears and pretty dolls grinned down at him. All and all the room conveyed a sense of safety and happiness, an air of good times and good fun. "Where the hell am I?" Arcane gaped, looking around in sick fascination at the horrific cheerfulness of the place.

"I... I don't know, Sir." A sleepy voice replied from the corner. Arcane whipped around to see Graham sitting on a plush, red, bean bag chair. "But it kinda looks like my old kindergarten classroom."

"How did you get here?" Arcane glared over at his assistant, then at the room in general. "I am Anton Arcane, the greatest genius the world has ever seen and I demand some ..."

"Well hello there!" Arcane was interrupted by a sickeningly, jovial voice. "And how are you feeling today? Super-de-duper I hope!"

"Graham!" Arcane whispered in complete shock, clutching his assistant's arm. "Tell me I'm seeing things. Tell me that ... that's not - "

"BARNEY!" Graham yelled, scrambling out of the chair to cower behind the doctor's back.

"Shouting isn't good for the voice." Barney lectured, shaking a purple finger at them. "Good children don't have to yell."

"We aren't bloody children!" Arcane snapped, coming out of his shocked daze to stare daggers at the monstrosity in front of him.

"Well, of course you are." The dinosaur smiled happily, ignoring the stare. "Only children come here to play and learn with me."

"The only thing I want to learn is how to end this bloody, stupid charade." Arcane lost his patience, looking frantically around. "You're behind this, aren't you Holland?!" He yelled, shaking his fist at the walls. "I know you're here somewhere."

"Sir, that's Barney not Holland." Graham whispered, creeping out from behind the Doctor. A look of fascination appeared in his eyes as he watched Barney, feeling the urge to play with the nice, fuzzy Dinosaur sweep over his mind as all traces of revulsion vanished.

"Thank-you, Graham!" Arcane snapped, glaring over at the man. "Without your scintillating input - I never would have *KNOWN*" The doctor rolled his eyes in disgust. "Of course it's bloody Barney, you moron!"

"Now, now." Barney admonished, shaking a finger, his ever-present grin planted firmly on his face. "Children are not allowed to use that kind of language. I insist that you say you're sorry."

"Say I'M sorry! *ME*! Sorry!" Arcane repeated, face going livid with rage. "To him!" He pointed at over Graham. His assistant glared back, childishly sticking his tongue out at the doctor.

"I think he needs to hear a song." Graham suggested in a gleeful daze, jumping up and down in his excitement to please Barney.

"What a super-de-duper idea!" Barney clapped his hands in joy, grin widening even further. "What song would you like to sing?"

"I wanna hear the 'I love you' song!" Graham requested happily, hopping over to Barney's side, completely ignoring Arcane's horrified gasp.

"Not that!" The Doctor groaned. He looked around wildly. "This can't be happening. I was asleep in my bed, this ... this has to be a delusion of some sort." Arcane heaved a sigh of relief. "Yes, of course. That's it. I've been feeling stressed lately, what with my latest brilliant experiment and all. This is just my minds way of, of - letting off steam." The Doctor grabbed the idea with both hands, ignoring the little voice that said that his mind would never, ever, use the image of Barney, for anything. Dimly the voice of his assistant penetrated his concentration.

"I love you, you love me ... " He could hear Graham singing in a blissful, mindless tone.

"NO!" He covered his ears in horror, his yell thankfully interrupting his assistant's rendition of that god-awful excuse for a song. He stalked over and grabbed the man by the arm, forcibly dragging him away Barney's corrupting do-gooder influence. "Graham, you traitor! I demand that you stop singing that blasted song."

"But, Sir ..." Graham pouted, tears welling up in his blue eyes, trying to tug his arm loose. " ... I like that song."

"I don't care, Graham." Arcane shouted, rolling his eyes in disgust as the tears started to fall. "And stop acting like a sodding child, it's not like I don't have enough to worry about right now. Like how to get *out* of here for one!"

"You're mean!" Graham wailed, throwing himself down on the bean bag chair. "I don't like you anymore."

"Graham!" Arcane sighed wearily, fighting the urge to smack his forehead as his assistant continued to sob. "Come on now, Graham, stop that crying. I ... I didn't mean what I said." He leaned down, laying a hand on the man's shoulder. "Why don't you just help me find a way out of this particular mess and ..."

"Now, now," Arcane heard the hated voice come from behind him, his nerves snapping at the smug tones of possession. "Look what you've done to my little friend. You're not a very nice person."

"Listen you big, purple growth of *malignancy*!" Arcane swung around, taking a threatening step towards Barney. "I'll do what ever I damn well please to Graham, he's *my* assistant!" He waved his arms around in increasing anger. "This is in fact, all one monstrous dream, and I can prove it!" Grinning with manic glee, control cracked, he reached over and hauled Graham upright.

"If this wasn't some sort of obscene nightmare, then would I do *this*!" Grasping Graham's face, he leaned in and kissed him firmly on the mouth. Shocked by the warm tingle that swept down his spine he pulled his assistant closer, deepening the contact with a small whimper. Ignoring Barney's distressed sounds behind him Arcane concentrated on Graham, growling in approval when the man started to kiss him back.

Slowly blinking his eyes open, Arcane stared foggily up at his ceiling. *Who would have thought Graham could be such a good kisser,* his dazed mind struggled to catch up with his location.

"BLOODY HELL!" Arcane lurched up, shocked by the thought that was running through his mind. *I didn't just think that Graham made ... a, a* - slowly he a hand over his face, letting out a deep breath. "What a bloody awful nightmare!"

Calming down, he wearily hauled himself out of bed. "I need to take a vacation." He muttered, shuffling into the bathroom to get a few sleeping tablets. Swallowing the pills, he flung himself back down on the bed, waiting for sleep to overtake him. Finally unconsciousness swept down, erasing all thoughts from his mind.

Opening his eyes, Arcane stared up at the blue sky, watching almost idly as the sun slid by. Sitting up suddenly, he stared in shock as the sun ... giggled at him? His mouth gaped, shock freezing his voice.

"OHH! Eh-oh! " Something babbled excitedly, the happy pleased voice managing to sound completely devoid of intelligence.

Almost afraid to look, the Doctor craned his neck around to look behind him. "NOOOOOOO!" A scream of absolute horror rang out in the bright, sunny day as all four teletubbies skipped merrily towards him.

The End


End file.
